we're chasing vodka with high fives
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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