i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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