you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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