who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
