Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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