the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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