We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
