i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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