He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
