Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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