He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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