the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
