Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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