My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
