I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I lost the right to judge tonight
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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