I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
