i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
