I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
