i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
