I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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