I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
