im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
