It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
