I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
