I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
