brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Jerry, you need to find god
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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