Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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