If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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