Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
