I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
