It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
