This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
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I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
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They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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