No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
