Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
