One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
