youre lurking in front of me
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
