I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
