Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
