puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
