There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Where did you get a picture of my penis
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
