I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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