Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
it's great music for shaving your balls
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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