btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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