The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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