11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize