We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It's just like the Real World with babies
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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