she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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