you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
