i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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