real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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