There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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