Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA

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(602): View more from Arizona

Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.

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(623): View more from Arizona

I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(216): View more from Ohio

When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job

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(469): View more from Texas

I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?

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(931): View more from Tennessee

Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?

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