just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.