I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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