I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
