you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
