Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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