New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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