i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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