She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
