If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
